Tag Archives: change

Grief During Covid-19

My heart has been grieving a lot during the pandemic lately. The first month, I really coped well and tapped into my creativity. I probably felt the best I felt in quite a while and was honestly shocked with how well I was thriving. The last few weeks however, I have become less motivated (see less blog posts?!) and hit some depths of depression I haven’t felt in a while. It seems strange to grieve my mental health, but I think that is what is happening. Grieving the loss of motivation, of creativity, of excitement and passion for life. Grieving the loss of connection and energy I get from being around friends and family – the “normalcy” of it all.

I’ve realized how much I crave structure and connection, and those aren’t bad things. I’ve seen some of my priorities shift as I’ve done some reflecting through this crisis, but I think it’s also a very valid feeling and desire to want “normal” back. The reality is, from what I undertand, it won’t be the same “normal” we are used to. People will be wearing masks and social distancing. Not everything is going to open up at once. The risk for illness will remain. Uncertainties still lie ahead. Life won’t be the same.

I wish I could say this will all get easier. And it may and will over time. But there’s also a need to accept where we are at, surrender to this process, and put our trust in the One who always stays the same. Let go of the timeline of how this will all play out and take it one day at a time. Be angry, be sad, allow yourself to feel, but do not give up. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.

May you embrace your grief during this time and find creative outlets to express it. God, I pray for your comfort, relief, and perspective over each person reading this blog today. Thank You that You are still on the throne and love your children very deeply. In Jesus name. Amen.

Copyright 2020 Marie Lorah

How To Grow and Heal From Sufferring

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When we have negative experiences, they are opportunities to grow and heal, if we will allow ourselves to step back and find new perspective. Personally, my mental illness and accompanying difficult experiences have really helped me grow – but it was choice. Was I going to accept where I’m at and learn from it? Or would I let myself get bitter and shut down? I had (and still do have) moments where I’m all in to grow from the pain of it all, and other days where I’d rather do nothing but hide and escape from my problems. I’ve learned to let myself have both days, while slowly moving toward growing and learning instead of avoiding and hiding.

Walking through my own mental illness has made me strong in the midst of chaotic and painful emotions. Also, my struggles have given me compassion for people who go through similar difficult things. I have learned the art of being aware of my emotions, paying attention to what they might be telling me, and responding appropriately. This awareness has allowed me to notice the individuals who hurt the most, sit with them in their pain, and encourage them that, they too, will grow from their pain. We can allow mental illness (or other struggles) to define us in a negative, victimizing way (like “I will always be this way” or “nothing will ever change”), or we can allow it to grow us and change us to become stronger, more compassionate people.

I also have found my faith in Jesus through my battle with mental illness. So, in reality, mental illness is a gift that has kept giving – giving me opportunities to wrestle with God and my beliefs, to find answers (or to accept I won’t have answers!), to feel deeply, and to accept myself more fully. I have discovered my gifts and who I am – my struggles do not define me as weak, but they have allowed me to find God and my purpose in the midst of it. I would not be the kind, caring, compassionate person I am without all that I have gone through.

I share these beautiful things, but they have come from the depths of my pain, anger, shame, disillusionment, severe instability, and fears. They have come from the breaking of me – of life falling to pieces and God and I somehow slowly putting those pieces back together. I have found meaning and purpose through my breakdowns, which has created a deep well of hope and wisdom that I pray shines to others.

Mental illness has been a shaping factor in my life that has brought chaos, disaster, and healing. This cycle of pain and healing will, in some ways, always continue on this side of heaven. Jesus promises us both hope and pain on Earth. We must carry our crosses, learning to fellowship with Him in the power of His resurrection AND in His suffering (Philippians 3:10).

He cares. He understands. He’s been there. Let your pain move in you in a way that heals you instead of holds you back. Take courage that this struggle you are going through is not wasted.