My heart has been grieving a lot during the pandemic lately. The first month, I really coped well and tapped into my creativity. I probably felt the best I felt in quite a while and was honestly shocked with how well I was thriving. The last few weeks however, I have become less motivated (see less blog posts?!) and hit some depths of depression I haven’t felt in a while. It seems strange to grieve my mental health, but I think that is what is happening. Grieving the loss of motivation, of creativity, of excitement and passion for life. Grieving the loss of connection and energy I get from being around friends and family – the “normalcy” of it all.
I’ve realized how much I crave structure and connection, and those aren’t bad things. I’ve seen some of my priorities shift as I’ve done some reflecting through this crisis, but I think it’s also a very valid feeling and desire to want “normal” back. The reality is, from what I undertand, it won’t be the same “normal” we are used to. People will be wearing masks and social distancing. Not everything is going to open up at once. The risk for illness will remain. Uncertainties still lie ahead. Life won’t be the same.
I wish I could say this will all get easier. And it may and will over time. But there’s also a need to accept where we are at, surrender to this process, and put our trust in the One who always stays the same. Let go of the timeline of how this will all play out and take it one day at a time. Be angry, be sad, allow yourself to feel, but do not give up. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.
May you embrace your grief during this time and find creative outlets to express it. God, I pray for your comfort, relief, and perspective over each person reading this blog today. Thank You that You are still on the throne and love your children very deeply. In Jesus name. Amen.
Copyright 2020 Marie Lorah