I have been silent for quite a while. It’s not easy to make blog posts in the midst of your darkness, and I went through quite a deep time of darkness for the first four months of this year. I hit a level of depression I never thought possible, and nothing was seeming to help. I was doing all the right things to recover from mental illness, but I kept falling backward after a step forward. In a moment of crisis, I stumbled upon a treatment that has brought slow but steady progress.
While I feel like I’m finally starting to get my life back and feeling a level of contentment, many of my personal circumstances have not changed. My dreams are still in the ground, waiting to be resurrected. I don’t have that perfect career. I don’t understand why this season has lasted so long. But, I have hope, and my heart is dreaming of the possibilities.
I think the big difference is, I’m okay with things not all happening NOW. We live in such an entitled, face past culture that demands we get what we want when we want it, and that attitude bleeds over into our relationship with God. We must be broken of this attitude, and unfortunately, that is a painful process, as the Lord will take away things that we thought were ‘ours.’ As if somehow we earned those ‘things’ and they can’t be taken away from us – what false security this is! Christ wants our security to rest on Him and His work, not on our success or hard work. Yet again, culture goes against this Kingdom reality. How do we find our way in this type-A, driven culture that has even come into the church?
I believe the answer, at least partly, is to have patience in the process. Celebrate your small wins and progress. Trust that you don’t really have to have it all now (What would you do next if you had it all now, anyway?)
So right now, I’m celebrating feeling happy and stable. And that is enough. And on the days I struggle to be patient, I will remember that God is a good leader that can be trusted with the process.